Updated: Nov 28, 2019
Jeff knew that marriage would be a challenge, but he never counted on facing this circumstance.
Jeff committed to being a good husband to Jessica and father to their children. He loved Jessica dearly or at least that’s what he thought. How did he find himself in this situation?
The song ‘Song Cry’ by Jay-Z came to mind as he contemplated his current situation… “I’ve got to live with the fact that I did you wrong forever.”
There was no doubt that his marriage was on the rocks and it probably started way before he met Lisa, his passing love interest, distraction, sex partner or any other descriptors one might use.
It did not matter when it started, but the truth at this point and the only thing that matters is that he has defiled his bed.
Now the questions of most concern to Jeff are, “Can my bed be cleaned and if so, how?”
The story of Jeff is not uncommon. Jeff has cheated on his wife. The truth is, infidelity has become too common in marriage and almost accepted or even worse, expected. Additionally, cheating is no longer limited to men but is quickly becoming prevalent among women.
Consider the following ‘Marriage Infidelity Statistics’:
Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional, 41%
Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had, 57%
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had, 54%
Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives, 22%
Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives, 14%
Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker, 36%
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips, 35%
Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law, 17%
Average length of an affair, 2 years
Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered, 31%
Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught, 74%
Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught, 68 %
Percent of children who are the product of infidelity, 2.5 %
So how do we fix the problem? In a perfect world, we focus on prevention and then the problem never exists. However, try as we may, we do not live in a perfect world and are thus faced with the issue of infidelity.
Of course, Hollywood has conditioned us to believe that the only option is divorce. We can split the children, the dog, the friends, she keeps the house; he gets a car, and all is right with the world, except when it is not.
Hear me clearly…DIVORCE IS PAINFUL AND DOES NOT FIX WHAT MOST PEOPLE THINK IN MOST CASES!
Consider the following statistics: Marriage Statistics: United States Data
Annual number of U.S. marriages: 2,077,000
Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000
Divorce rate: 3.4 per 1,000
Children of Divorced Parents Statistics Data
Average annual number of children whose parents divorce: 1,500,000
Percent of children born today who will experience the breakup of their parents 50 %
Percent who experience short-term effects like anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief 85 %
Percent who experience long term effects like loneliness, unhappy, anxious, and insecure 60 %
Percent of long-term prison inmates that grew up in broken homes 70 %
Percent INCREASE in the following behavior for children of divorced parents Percent Increase
Need psychological help 90 %
Attempt suicide 55 %
Be in a marriage that ends in divorce 47 %
Have problems with peers 80 %
Earn lower grades in school 70 %
Drop out of school 50 %
Experience injury, asthma, headaches, and speech defects 20 %
Now, when talking about infidelity, the discovery of this crime is only paled in comparison to death per experts and I believe God intended it to be such because only he is meant to separate marriages and he only does it through actual death.
So how do we clean a defiled bed? The answer is in the scripture of course, and the answer is not complicated, but it will take great patience and much faith as you apply Gods word.
I want to focus on two scriptures:
Hebrews 13:4-5, “4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. 5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Psalms 119:9-11, “9 How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. 10 With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! 11 Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.”
The Word of God tells us that marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled. He follows that opening with the fact that he will personally “judge fornicators and adulterers.” But what I found interesting as I read this scripture was not what is found in verse 4 because we should understand that God is serious about marriage and keeping it holy. However, for the first time, when I have read this scripture, verse 5 caught my eye in the context of marriage and the previous verse. If I could sum it up, God is saying stop looking at and desiring what other people have and be happy with what you have. Stated another way, stop looking at other marriages, other people as potential spouses or other people as fulfilling what you think is missing from your spouse and wanting that instead of what God has provided!